It's often said that it's our differences that make us unique and that "variety is the spice of life", but there are some spices we'd probably rather avoid (like clove for example)...However, these types of people can be systematically found in every company. More cliché than blonde jokes (but also more accurate), here are the 8 types of exasperating people that can be found in almost every office!
Written by Anais Genin
1. The gossip
A bit like our grandma who knows every little piece of juicy gossip about the neighbourhood, the gossip (this is applicable to men and women alike) is always listening in, digging for gossip, ears pressed against the walls, whispering then suddenly falling silent when someone else arrives. They know that Amy from HR got together with Martin from sales (well, they think so anyway) and that Rachael from finance's dog got knocked over last weekend (that's why she had bags under her eyes on Monday, poor dear). A piece of advice, keep as far away as possible from the office gossip, no matter how nice they may seem, unless you want to hear a rumour about yourself over the next few months ("is it true that you have a third nipple? Patricia told me that Samantha told her that she heard it somewhere..."You've been asking yourself for a while now if this person is truly human, because they never, ever complain... it's actually quite annoying.
2. The simpleton or optimistThe Optimist is that person who is so happy to be alive that even when a bird poos on their head in the morning, they see it as a positive sign sent by fate. They always arrive at the office, smiling ear-to-ear, ready to compliment you on your new hair cut (even though you haven't been to the hairdressers, it was your three year old daughter who unfortunately developed a new-found interest in scissors) and are ready to comfort you when something's wrong.
3. The guy who's in love with himselfHair gelled back, impeccable dress sense, strutting into the office thinking he's hotter than Ryan Gosling... that's how you spot the guy who's in love with himself. When he comes over to talk to you, he makes it clear that you should feel flattered that he's giving up a few minutes of his precious time to speak to you. You've never actually seen him working, but you've heard that he's going to go further than anyone else in the company, all because he's simply amazing. Don't run away from him, because he thinks he looks like George Clooney, it actually makes him look more like George the clown, and it's really funny to watch.
4. The newbieLuckily, as the name indicates, the newbie is only someone who's passing through. They're the new recruit who's just arrived and wants to revolutionize the company with their grand ideas. It's not their enthusiasm and ambition that's so annoying, it's the fact that they think they can change how the company is organised by snapping their fingers. It's not like you've been asking your colleagues for 5 years now to change the printer on the third floor...
5. The lazy oneUnless your boss pays special attention when choosing employees, it's almost certain there's going to be one of these in the office. You know, that person who arrives 20 minutes late to work, sneaks out before 5 pm, and takes at least two hours break at lunch time without the slightest sign of guilt. When they're not in the middle of texting their new love interest or making a shopping list, they're loudly yawning the same "I'm sooooooo tired" on a daily basis. What shocks you most isn't their behaviour, but their mere presence: how on earth is it possible that they still have a job?
6. The chatty oneIt's 9.30 am and you already know what they did over the weekend, about the argument they had with their boyfriend/girlfriend and their appointment at the dentist on Friday afternoon, what they ate the night before and their fungal nail infection. In 15 minutes, you haven't managed to get a word in edge ways, you therefore stopped listening about 4 minutes in. You could have a pencil stuck in your eye and they probably wouldn't even notice.
7. The harasserIf someone told you that this person had been taken to court on more than one occasion for harassment, you wouldn't even be surprised, even a mundane conversation with them can start to feel a bit uncomfortable and weird. The perverted looks, the creepy smile, their habit of being extra touchy-feely as well as the fact that they're constantly making weird sexual innuendos is a bit too much. A piece of advice: tell them directly that you find them repulsive. It's a bit harsh, but effective.
8. The life prisonerThey're more than just a part of the company, a mix between a fossil and a piece of office furniture, they've been working for the company since 1977 (and lost any joy for life they once had at some point in the middle of the 90's). They've seen dozens (perhaps hundreds) of faces come and go, yet they're still there. They seem very self-assured but also very indifferent to life in general (Droopy almost seems fun in comparison) given that their lives lack any excitement.
What about you, do you know any other kinds of exasperating colleagues?!